Couples Therapy

Here's the problem--

Many couples come to me and report their problem is "communication".  They are having the same fight over and over again but don't seem to be able to resolve anything.  Tempers flare very quickly whenever problems are discussed.  In between these fights, while things are relatively quiet, they are afraid to bring up the problems for fear of losing the current peace in the relationship--they may even start to think that things are getting better.  But unmanaged problems resurface at some point and the cycle starts over again.

 

The partners in these relationships are trying very hard to make things better, but they really don't know what to do.  They feel their efforts are not appreciated or even noticed by their partner.  Each partner begins to feel very lonely.

 

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Some couples report an affair or some other serious betrayal.  Maybe there is name-calling, blaming, and defensiveness during fights.  One or both may be withdrawing or staying away from home more.  The couple may be having sexual problems.  All of these things happen as couples are trying to work things out, but they end up eroding the good feelings that the partners have for one another.

 

The couple starts to have very negative feelings about the partner and the relationship.  They start to attribute negative motivations to everything the partner does.  They start to see the partner as a bad person and they can't acknowledge anything that the partner has done right.  This is a very serious sign that help is needed.

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Here's how therapy can help--

Therapy can help the couple improve communication.  Partners can learn how to really listen to one another without too much anger getting in the way.  They can stop being afraid to bring up difficult topics because they have more confidence that they can solve their problems.  They stop having the same argument over and over.

 

They become aware of when they're being insulting or critical and learn how to communicate without these hurtful elements.  They start to reverse the damage done to the good feelings in the relationship.

 

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Partners can start to appreciate one another again, more like the way they did early in the relationship.  They start to feel less lonely and more understood by their partner.  They start to feel more like they're on the same team again.

 

They are able to get past an affair or other serious problem.  They stop hurting one another with insults and blame.  They start to feel more positive toward the partner, and start to appreciate the things they used to appreciate about their partner.

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Would you like to enjoy coming home to your partner again?  Would you like to feel confident that you can resolve problems together?  Would you like to stop having the same argument over and over again and be able to manage conflicts?  Would you like to feel appreciated by your partner again?

 

I use assessment methods and interventions that have been developed through years of research in relationships.  We can work on practical behaviors that will improve communication, resolve conflicts, and improve the good feelings between partners.  I work with both partners together and individually as needed.